


Memories with cracks

by Llamasarereallycool



Category: Corpsekkuno - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Corpse x Sykkuno, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, Soft Corpse Husband (Video Blogging RPF), corpsekkuno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:55:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29240958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llamasarereallycool/pseuds/Llamasarereallycool
Summary: When Sykkuno loses his memories, how does his relationship with his boyfriend progress?
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

Corpse rolled over to the right side of the bed where Sykkuno would usually sleep and realised that the warm body that he usually would cuddle, wasn’t there. Sobbing from the room next to them interrupted his thoughts about where Sykkyno went, he threw on his hoodie and quietly walked towards the room.

He opened it, on the ground was Sykkuno huddled on the ground, he looked like he had been there for a long time.

“Sykkuno! What’s wrong?” Corpse rushed over at once without thinking twice.

“C-Corpse?” Sykkuno looked up almost immediately.

“I’m here, what’s wrong?” Corpse’s imagination was creating all the worst possibilities but this was the last thing that he would’ve thought.

“I don’t know where I am, nor why you are here and why am I not at OTVhouse?” He looked very lost, it didn’t seem like a prank either.

“Honey, you moved out of the OTV house ages ago, this is our apartment.” The reality of what Sykkuno just said made Corpse even more worried.

“Wait- honey-? Wait, what? I don’t remember moving in with you…”

Corpse moved back a little at that response.

“Sy… are you ok? We moved in together literally 1 year ago… we’re dating…” Corpse could barely make the last two words. He wasn’t the only one that was stunned at what was going, 

Sykkuno looked liked he had just seen a ghost, he was pale and just as confused as Corpse.

An awkward silence shifted itself between the two.

“You’re pranking me aren’t you, Corpse? Let’s go back to the OTV house, I’ll let you win the point for prank wars.” Sykkuno playfulness vanished when he realised that Corpse wasn’t responding, he looked dead-on serious.

“Sy… did I do something wrong? If you wanted to break up with me, why don’t you just say it directly.” There was an unmistakable pained look on Corpse’s face that made Sykkuno’s heart quench.

“Corpse… I’m not, I have no idea what’s going on right now, in fact, I don’t even remember what happened yesterday.”

“Y-you lost your memories…” Corpse looks just as pale now, he looked like he can pass out any second.

_______________

Sykkuno woke up in a white room, he sat up to find Corpse asleep on the other side of the room, he looked around… the hospital?  
He got off the bed and walked towards Corpse.

“Corpse?” He gently nudged Corpse

“Hmm…?” Corpse looked up, “o-oh, you’re awake, thank god you’re ok!” 

Corpse immediately hugged Sykkuno which made him flinch.

“O-oh C-Corpse?”

“O-oh, um, sorry… also, um, it’s confirmed, the doctors said that you have lost your memories, about a year.”

“I- WHAT?!” Sykkuno was on the verge of crying, this was all so much information that he had to process, his brain he barely keeping up.”

Corpse instantly backed away.

Note to self Corpse, never act on impulse again, because… he doesn’t remember us… it’s alright, as long as he doesn’t get bored of me and is willing to accept me, I can live with this.

Sykkuno POV:

“Mr Sykkuno?” A doctor appeared in the doorway. “You have a great boyfriend, you fainted earlier, he brought you here and we did a check-up, it seems like you lost your memories from about a year ago, there is nothing that we can do about it, it’ll either recover itself or it may never return. I’ll leave it to you two to discuss.” He walked away, I assumed that he probably had to assist another more ill patient.

Now for the part that I dread…

“S-so you weren’t joking when you say that we are dating?” If I really dated Corpse, then my question must’ve really hurt, I could tell that Corpse was tensed for some reason, I guess that proves that we must be really close. I nervously waited for his answer.

“Y-yea, we used to date…” He looked towards the ground. Without logically processing what I was about to do, I hugged him. He seemed startled, he didn’t flinch like I did but he definitely seemed tenser.

______________

The car ride home was silent and awkward

“This must be hard for you… sorry.” I felt really guilty, even though he kept reminding that losing my memories wasn’t my fault. 

There was no response, I looked over at Corpse, he fell asleep. He looked like an angel when he is asleep. I know that I probably should’ve drive since I lost my memories, but Corpse already had a flare-up at the doctors. He insisted that he drive but it was too dangerous if he has another flare-up during the drive, then we would both in trouble. Corpse had already set the GPS on so I know where the apartment is, we pulled up into the driveway, I took another look at Corpse. Even though I don’t really remember dating Corpse, I still remember that Corpse had a lot of mental and physical health issues, including insomnia, I didn’t want to wake him up. He had earphones plugged into his ears, I wondered what he was listening to, maybe he was listening to his own songs. I took out one of his earphones and held it to my ear, I wasn’t wrong, it was his signature song. 

______________

Corpse POV:

I woke up in the front seat of the car, how did I even end up here? I looked across at the driver seat, Sykkuno had one of my earphones in his ears and he was sleeping with an elbow up, just looking at that made my elbow hurt. I realised that we went to the doctors and we probably fell asleep here. I looked at the time, it was 3 in the morning, life is great with insomnia. 

I took out my phone, I haven’t checked it for almost an entire day, the first thing that I saw was that Rae had spammed my phone over and over again with the same sentence. 

Rae:  
CORPSEEEEEE! WE ARE STREAMING TOMORROW BITCHHHHH! Wanna join?

I was going to leave her on read, but I felt bad.

Corpse:  
Thanks for the offer but I think I wanna take a few days off from streaming

Rae:  
What is it with you two? You weren’t responding yesterday and neither was your fucking boyfriend

Corpse:  
😓  
Rae:  
All jokes aside, are you two ok? Sykkuno has never, and I say NEVER not replied within 24 hours. I mean you usually leave me on read for days on end but like you didn’t even leave me on read. Now you are saying you want a break from streaming, you would never say that at most you would take a break from making music… 

Corpse:  
… I don’t really think I should be the one to tell you. Anyways, I gotta go.

Rae:  
WHAT THE HELL CORPSE!?


	2. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
> 
> TW: Cutting

After flicking through Instagram, I glanced at my watch one more time, it was 6 o clock, I looked back at Sykkuno. If only he could get his memories back when he wakes up.   
Even though there is a possibility that he could gain back his memories, I’m doubtful that it will happen this fast.  
Honestly, I’m ok with his memories gone of us, but he hasn’t confirmed our relationship, what if I’m just another friend in his mind? I’m not even sure, what if he doesn’t feel the same way anymore, is it going to be the end of us? Should I ask him? But what if I trigger him? Should I sit by and do nothing or should I do something about this? Am I really ok with living with someone that I can’t confirm that loves me? Am I really ok? I really should ask him, shouldn’t I? What if he thinks that I am a burden? I have so many issues, I shouldn’t be surprised if he ever wants a break from me. How did he use to accept me so fast? Should I tell Rae and the others about the problem or is it Sykkuno’s job to tell them?

Sykkuno’s POV: 

I woke up to shallow and quick breaths from the front passenger seat, Corpse…

Oh crap.

“Corpse! Are you alright? Breathe in and out, follow my breaths”  
I grab his hand and held it to my chest, it felt weird for a second since of our relationship, to be honest, I have no idea what he feels about anymore, but that’s not my top priority right now.

He is finally breathing regularly again, his phone was on and it seemed like he was on social media, I guess something on that triggered him again. I decided that I shouldn’t ask anything.

“I guess we should head inside, shouldn’t we? We’ve literally been here for hours.” 

He nods and we get out of the car.

We get inside and we both washup, I not really sure about what I usually do any more here, so I guess it’s time that I should start streaming. Something buzzed inside of my pocket. I knew it was my phone but it’s a brand new iPhone that had a black among us character at the back, I recognised that this was probably Corpse, I saw that his phone had a green among us character, I assumed that the character was me. Rae was spamming me with ‘SYKKUNO’.

Sykkuno:  
Sup Rae

Rae:  
WHAT THE HELL DID CORPSE MEAN WHEN HE SAID THAT YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TO TELL ME SOMETHING?! 

Oh… was the panic attack from earlier about texting Rae?

Sykkuno:  
Oh. Um, it’s nothing big, also, do you think I can come to the OTV house today? I have nothing to do right now anyway, it’s really awkward being around the house

Rae:  
Sure! Happy to have you, but what do you mean that it is awkward around the house. Did something happen between you and Corpse? 

Sykkuno:   
I’ll tell you when I get there, see you soon Rae!

Perfect, I can finally get out of here, Corpse has already locked himself in the study room, I’m not really sure what he is doing there but I’m sure he can take care of himself while I’m out for a bit.

______________

The OTV house was the same as what my memory remembered, Rae was there to welcome me, Toast was standing behind her with a warm smile on his face.

When I reached the front steps Rae nearly jumped onto me,

“What part of you decided that it was a good idea to visit us? We usually have to beg you to come over because you are always attached to Corpse, also why are you here alone? There are so many questions that I have and you need to answer because you and Corpse have done a trash job at explaining yourselves.”

“Shut up Rae, clearly the matter isn’t small.” How did Toast exactly summarise the events from today and yesterday?

Corpse’s POV:

There has been no sound of movement outside, I assume that he probably fell asleep, I guess I’m going to have to sleep the night in the study room. Before I do though, I need to get some food, even though I’m not hungry, I’m sure that I will need it though.

I guess I should check upon him, I carefully walked up to the door, I knocked on it, I might regret this, but I’ve done it already and I can’t really back away anymore. There was no sound of movement inside so I guess I should enter?

The room is completely empty, there is no one inside, the bathroom is empty as well, so I guess Sykkuno actually didn’t want me, he must’ve left because he couldn’t bare me. Great.

I’m no longer processing anything, I run back to my study, what do I do? Why am I still here? I’m nothing without him, I’m so tired, I’m exhausted. I know I promised myself and Rae that I wouldn’t ever do this again but, I need it.

I pull open the drawer that I haven’t reached into for a year, I retrieve the silver knife that I haven’t used in ages. I’m really going to regret this, I lift up my t-shirt, the relief that I feel through my body after the first line that appears on my waist, I add another line before carefully washing the blood off of the blade and carefully put it back into the drawer.

_________________

Sykkuno’s POV:

“Yea, I guess that’s what happened…”

Rae gaped at me but Toast grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me towards his car, he drove me straight back home?

“Toast? Why are we here again?”

Toast said nothing and once again grabbed me by the wrist and we went back to the front door of the house. He held his hand out, I assumed he wanted the keys, I grabbed them from my pockets and placed them into his palm. He threw the door open and screamed for Corpse.

Corpse emerged from the study at the sound of Toast.

“Corpse! There you are! Roll up the sleeves!”

“Toast, what the hell? How did you get in anyway?”

“You heard me Corpse, roll them up”

“Fine” He rolled up the sleeves, I was confused as well, I could visibly see that relief washed over Toast’s face.

“Glad you haven’t started again,”

I think I was meant to get the hint but that the last thing that I seemed to be getting.


	3. Goodbye

Sykkuno’s POV:

I really wished that Toast would’ve explained to me what that fuss was about, but after asking to check Corpse’s arms, he left. Great, I’m back at point A, the entire point of taking the trip to OTV house was to avoid Corpse so we wouldn’t have to talk, but thankfully Corpse just went back inside of the study. 

Corpse had moved out of room, he had brought all his clothes and set up the extra bed in his study, and never really went out unless it was to the bathroom or getting food. The rest of the week was really the exact same events in a loop, I would wake up, get up to make breakfast, bring breakfast inside of the room, either call Rae or Toast, stream, then go onto social media then go to bed. Sometimes I would hear Corpse messing around with the foil, cooking and occasionally swearing. It was getting really repetitive and I really want to leave, but I don’t need Toast driving me back here again. 

It’s been another week and I still haven’t told the viewers about what happened to me, there was suspicion about something wrong with me and some viewers even picked up that there was something wrong with me and Corpse. There was gossip that was continuously going through the entire stream, I tried my best to ignore it and I could tell that Corpse was doing the same. We barely spoke to each other throughout the entire game, unless it was accusing each other or we saw each other kill. Everyone else was really kind about it though, whenever there was a weird gap and me and Corpse were supposed to talk they would kindly fill it in for us.

Corpse’s POV:

I’m exhausted, I can barely function, I haven’t slept for about 8 days now, my limbs hurt and I wish I could go to bed, but my brain won’t let me sleep. I have no idea what to do anymore. Not only has my brain not want to work for me, neither was my fucking foil, I may have screamed and shakened the ground because of it as well. Also that was probably the highest sound my voice had ever managed to make out, pretty proud honestly. 

_______________

Sykkuno’s POV: 

My life has become from too much information to process to looping my day on end, I think that it should be time that this comes to an end, this is all too much for me and I’m sure that since Corpse hadn’t been willing to come out to talk to me that he gave up hope. Instead of waiting for him to break the news to me, I suppose that I should take initiative and tell him. I’m planning to move back with Rae and Toast when I end this.

Corpse’s POV: 

There was a tiny knock on my door and a little voice called out for my name, it was the first human’s voice I’ve heard for literally 2 weeks, I knew who it was though. I’m mentally preparing myself to face him.

I walk to the door and pull it open, I walk outside gently closing the door behind me.

“Corpse, it’s been um, uh, quite a while since we last talked… so um… I was thinking over everything that we’ve been doing and how it’s been affecting our lives.”

Get ready for it… 

“I was thinking, maybe we should um… take a b-break?”

The words hit me like a bullet, each adding their own effect to the damage that I’ve taken.

“If that’s what suits you…” I walk back into the room, I’ve already expected this, I’ve recreated every single possibility of these few words in the back of my mind, this was expected. Even though I’ve expected this, I haven’t thought about what I was going to do. Instead of thinking properly, I saw that I have steered myself towards the drawer again.

Great, I guess this is what fate really wants, isn’t it? 

I unwrap the tissues away from the shining blade that is so eager to cut the red line of fate between me and Sykkuno and wrap it around my waist. 

It’s not anything new…

Even though I got used to this, I felt different this time it danced across my skin, it felt, unknown, even more relaxing than what it felt like before, my numb skin welcomed the coldness into me and I decided that I was going to be kinder to myself and decorate it a bit more.

Sykkuno’s POV:

From all of the money that I was making, I bought myself a new vehicle, this will definitely make trips a lot easier. Toast wasn’t home this time, thank goodness. Rae was though, she threw me inside and we started to stream. It’s been a long time since I’ve streamed here, I still remember the fun that I’ve had here, it seemed like such a long time ago, but I’m not even sure when was the last time.

Toast came back and spotted me, just great, he’s going to drive me back like last time again right?

I was wrong.

He took out the controllers and made me play xbox with him.

_______________

“Hey, Sy, how’s things going between you and Corpse?” Toast suddenly asks during the middle of a battle with Sykkuno.

“Good.” Sykkuno wasn’t really thinking about what he was saying, he was so intrigued by what was going on the screen that he didn’t see Toast giving him a strange look that obviously showed that he didn’t believe him.

“Are you sure? I’m sure if you made up, he would be here as well?”

“If you’re really worried, how about let’s go back and see how he's doing? I’ll prove to you that he’s fine.” Sykkuno let in, he couldn’t be bothered to argue with Toast.

_________

They once again reached the front of the door, Sykkuno once again handed over the keys and they entered, everything was deadly silent.

“Corpse… would you come out?” Sykkuno called out softly.

There was no answer.

“Corpse?” Toast raised his voice little.

There was still no answer, there was no sound movement either, worry crept into both Sykkuno and Toast’s head.

“CORPSE! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW OR ELSE WE ARE BREAKING IN! DON’T BLAME ME IF YOUR DOOR BREAKS!” Toast was far off from calm now, he kicked the door open and we found Corpse asleep on the bed, there was a knife on the ground but we could see that there was cut up fruit on the bedside table. Toast kneeled to Corpse’s level and looked at his arms, there was nothing there. He sighed and we walked out.

“The hell did he manage to sleep through that?” Toast said as they got outside again, "also if he was cutting fruit, why the heck would he not eat it?”

“Maybe he didn’t feel like it after he cut it? I get it all the time.” Sykkuno answered, hopefully that would lighten the mood, but he could tell that Toast was not convinced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!
> 
> TW: Cutting (again, yes)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, 
> 
> TW:
> 
> \- Depression  
> \- Suicide thoughts

Corpse POV:

I woke up feeling really sore around my waist, I had expected to see cuts around my waist, but what I didn’t expect was to see Sykkuno and Toast sleeping on my couch. What were they doing? Why are they here? Suddenly, my waist gave in, sending me crashing to the floor with a loud bang. Great.

Toast immediately jolted awake and ran to help me, Sykkuno was rubbing at his eyes, clearly frightened by my sudden movement. What am I going to do?

“Corpse! What’s wrong?” I could tell that Toast had somewhat of an idea of what I was doing, but I didn’t want him to be able to confront it. I just pushed him away and held my breath as the pain was spreading through the entire lower part of my body, spreading all the way from the waist to my abdomen. It hurt as hell… but I don’t regret it. Have you ever thought about what it was like if you just left the world without telling anyone, would they even notice that you are gone? Would they even acknowledge your absence? I’ve surely thought about it many times, other than Toast, I’m sure that everyone would’ve care nor noticed. I left the living room without another word, I didn’t want to draw any more attention than what Toast has already provided. I walked into the kitchen, barely able to straighten up my back, poured myself a cup of water and from the reflective tiles of the kitchen, I could see that Toast was walking towards me. I turned to leave for my study, he didn’t stop me but he gave me a really concerned look, I can tell he is worried, I want to say that I’m fine but that would only just further worry him. Sykkuno looks absolutely mortified of something… probably me. Why am I hesitating? The doctor said that he has a slim chance of gaining the memories, what am I waiting for? For freedom to find me? Or for me to find freedom?

____________________

Sykkuno POV:  
I woke up to a loud sudden bang, Toast jumped and I figured out that it must’ve been Corpse. My eyes were glued shut though, I’ve barely had any sleep since I was up all night playing with Rae, it was a blast, but I could barely lift my eyes. I managed to take a look at Corpse just to make sure he was ok, I was tempted to run to him, but I’m not really sure whether he wants to see me or not, so I stayed where I was, still trying to open my eyelids. 

He just left with a cup of water to study, my brain feels dizzy and the lights not making it feel any better, must be a migraine. Yay. When I thought that life could get any worse.

Toast came back to where I was sitting and he draped his arms over my shoulders, it was something that we used to do when we were back in high school. He was my best friend, and still is, I clearly remember this. Suddenly, everything went black, it felt like electricity had shocked me. I was still conscious, just that I couldn’t see anything. 

“T-toast!” I was trying to make it sound normal, but I didn’t come out the way that I had anticipated it, it was all shaky and it clearly sounded like I was suppressing my worries.

“What is it, Sy? Are you alright? You better not have an issue right now… we are figuring out Corpse’s at the moment”

“Toast, I can’t see anything… help.”

“WHAT!?”

Suddenly, I felt like a boat was carrying me further and further into a stream.

(No he didn’t die)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! It's really short! Helppp... I'm really trying to find motivation, it's a little hard. 
> 
> Hopefully, my posts become more and more fluent, I would like this to be a least 10 chapters long. We'll see if we get there lol.
> 
> Hint for the next post:
> 
> Sykkuno has his _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ returned???


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great I forced myself to write at 12 am when I have a test tomorrow. Tf is my sleeping schedule lol
> 
> Again  
> TW:  
> \- Attempted Suicide  
> \- Depression
> 
> For extra sadness and connection to the story, a link for background music.  
> I suggest using the song  
> "A Tender Feeling"
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGZxAwqhuVw&list=PLQQ9DfzOa6PqxyOOm4nz25nmmb0KRMlbX&index=77

Sykkuno POV: 

I woke up the next day on a white bed. How the heck did I get here? Wasn’t I with Corpse? 

I sat up to find Toast sleeping with his head on his arms on a table that was at the end of my bed. I look around, from all of the medical equipment I’m assuming I did something that ended me in hospital.

I got down from the hospital bed that was nowhere as comfortable as Corpse’s arms, and walked over to Toast, he seemed really worn out, what have I done?

“Toast?” I gently nudged him in the shoulder, he stirred a little at my voice. 

“Huhh… SYKKUNO!?” He jumped at me which gave a surprise, he backed away a little, I am praying that Corpse wouldn’t walk in on us hugging. Even though I know he wouldn’t really mind.

“How much do you remember? What were we doing yesterday?” I was going to ask Toast why we were here but these questions. 

I tried to think about what I did yesterday, but I sincerely have no idea. 

“No idea.”

Toast seemed really pale for some reason, still no idea why, why am I always so clueless about what is going on around me?

“No way… this can’t happen…” He paused. “How old are you?”

“28…”

Toast seemed to light up at that response, he tried again.

“Who are you dating?” He smirked as he finished that sentence.

“U-um, Toast, are you ok? I’m dating Corpse…” I couldn’t help but blush as I thought about him.

“SYKKUNO! YOU DID IT! YOU GOT YOUR MEMORIES BACK! THAT’S WONDERFUL! EVERYONE WAS GETTING TO SCARED ABOUT YOU NEVER HAVING YOUR MEMORIES AGAIN. WE WERE PLANNING ON HELPING YOU MAKE NEW ONES BUT YAY! YOU’RE BACK TO NORMAL NOW…”

I froze.

“How long was the memory loss? Also, how much did I forget?”

“Well, you forgot it for about 3 weeks, and roughly remembered the things that happened 2 year ago.”

Corpse…  
I could feel the rising panic.

“How’s Corpse?”

Toast said nothing, he looked down instead, he walked towards the white cloth that was hanging up on the right side of my room. He pulled it to the side, revealing another hospital bed with a motionless body laying… 

Corpse…

There was a visible red line around the neck.

No…

Tears were gushing into my eyes, I pulled up the sleeves, thankfully the arms were ok, but Toast lifted up the shirt, to my horror, I could see many cuts along the waist. 

I bawled my eyes out, how… I was the cause of this…

“A few days after you fainted, Rae decided that she should check up on Corpse, she got there just in time, Corpse had… for nearly about a solid 3 minutes, if she didn’t help him down in time, he would’ve…but you don’t have to really worry, he’s alright… he’s in a coma. The doctors said that the fastest time he would recover would be at least 4 weeks. You’re gonna have to be patient.” 

As my tears continued to fall, I caressed his cheeks gently, pressing kisses all over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed.  
> I enjoy dark stories for some reason, so here you goooo!  
> <3
> 
> Again sorry for the short chapter :3
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> OmG-
> 
> These two are sooo cute! 
> 
> Of course, I respect their privacies, they just have a precious relationship as friends that I just adore! If they don't like that we fanfic writers are writing about them I will take this down. I really hope you guys enjoy this as much as I love writing this. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are both appreciated


End file.
